Sri Lankans are a proud people. Their sense of dignity manifests itself in several ways. Most SL will sport the Sri Lankan flag – unlike India, it is not a crime to hang the flag at your home or location of business. In fact, it seems to be encouraged. But, my personal experiences have shown me just how much these people value their esteem.
We had taken B’s cousins along with us to visit Galle. B’s aunt had instructed her boys that each was supposed to buy the entire group something during the trip – it was their way of saying thanks or returning the favour. At least, that’s what I was able to glean from it. The elder one did his job fairly well, buying us popsicles at Galle. I for one was at my multitasking best as I sucked an orange popsicle, trying to hold down my skirt that threatened to do a Marilyn Monroe in the sea breeze, avoiding afore-mentioned popsicle from spilling on my white skirt, clutching onto my itty-bitty purse and holding down a cap of my head. Thankfully there is no record of this most harrowing and embarrassing experience.
Anyways, back to the dignity thing. The little one had been trying hard for an opportunity to buy us something, anything. But, when you are small, it’s not that easy to get elders to listen to you. So, he tried buying us coffee and was shooed away from the counter by B, who paid. Then, he attempted to buy a Milo and water and his attempts were completely washed out by me. We returned to Colombo and he had still not bought us anything. Not that he hadn’t tried or that we complained. So what does the little fella do? He comes over to B’s house the next morning with Milo milkshakes for us. That’s when I realized that their sense of self-respect is very important to them. They do not like being burdened under someone else’s favours.
The second incident happened when me and B went shopping. We stopped for lunch at a restaurant. I ordered food that was way too much for me. So, after eating my fill, I thought I’d get it packed and we could have it later. I said so to this effect to B who just shrugged and said, “Leave it.”
Well, I wasn’t about to and said I’d request the waiter to pack it. B urged again to leave it, that it didn’t matter, let’s go. I couldn’t figure out what had gotten into her. This place had takeaway boxes so it’s not like I was asking for something unfeasible. She whispered to get to takeaway box from the counter and leave, not wait for the waiter. I countered that there was a long line at the counter. Besides, the waiter would do it much more neatly than I could.
Finally, a distraught looking B hissed, “Just leave it, will you? It’s just not done. You don’t ask for takeaways after you ordered.” I was shocked and asked her mockingly, “What? Is it like below your dignity to ask for one.” To which I got a taciturn reply of, “Yes, it is beneath our dignity. It’s not done. Now, leave this plate and let’s go.”
My practical sense fought against this waste of food. But when in Rome, do as the Romans. I think for B, it was more important to preserve her respect than save a few morsels of food. And, perhaps when I finally agreed to her, she was relieved and hopefully forgave me for my slight oversight in Sri Lankan customs.
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