We went to a penthouse party, drank champagne and tut-tutted at expensive shit

**I wrote this a while back. Posting it now.**

Because I’m such a jabber-mouth, I talk to a lot of people on Twitter. I get to call some really cool people my friends. One such fabulous gal is @thedivorceesale, Jill Alexander.

Jill is the CEO and Founder of The Divorcee Sale – a mobile store that helps new divorcees get rid of the fashionable and expensiiiivveeee “baggage” of their previous lives. Divorcees make some quick money while us ordinary folks get amazing brands for dirt prices. Also, 25% of the event’s sales go to a women’s cancer foundation. 

The idea is so simple and brilliant. Which is hardly surprising since Jill is a veteran of the fashion industry. Her resume is a who’s who of the fashion world – Dolce Gabbana, Tory Burch, Barneys and what not.

I started following Jill and over time, we became friends on Twitter. She happened to be giving away tickets to one of her sales. Unfortunately it was in LA. I joked that I’d love some tickets when the sale came to Miami, which was only a few weeks away. Because she is awesome, Jill said she’d totes put me on the guest list for Miami, and to bring my friends too.

I saw the email and right away called my friend Christina. We agreed that this indeed was a big deal that required an epic shopping trip and then screamed excitedly because HolyShitOhMyGodWeWereGoingToBeInTheDelanoPenthouseThisCan’tBeRealPinchMe. 

The Delano is one of the swankiest hotels on South Beach. Celebrities chill out there. And we were invited to its tippy top. It was surreal to walk into the Delano elevator and asked for the PENTHOUSE. Which is HUGE. Probably bigger than my apartment. Fancier than anything I own. And oh by the way, it looks like this:

Yeah, I pinched myself several times. 

Jill and I have known each other on Twitter and never met in person. After a little asking around, I was pointed in the direction of a slim lady in pink. When I tapped her on the shoulder and introduced myself, she let out a big squeal and hugged me. Then she took me around and showed me some of the stuff that was on sale. Personally. 

It's a good thing I'm not a rapper because at this point, I would have been dropping some crazy verse about bitches, cribs, gold and being so fly. And it'd be so bad, it would become the next "Friday" on Youtube. 

No idea what I'm doing, but looks cool-ish?

Of course the best part of the night was the SHOPPING. Dolce-Gabbana, Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Chanel… what an endless list of dresses, bags, shoes, jewelry. I imagine this is what fashion heaven looks like. Or the Vogue closet. And since I have an almost zero chance of ever landing in either of those places, I drank it all in. Along with the champagne. 

Oh, did I mention the champagne? Dom, Veuve, Bollinger. Rivers. Of. It.

Obviously we couldn’t pretend not to be drinking, it was de rigeur. It was my first time ever drinking the real stuff and since I didn't know which one I liked, the server gave me a try of all.It was so delicious that I swore from now on, I’d drink only champagne all night. Then I asked the server how much a bottle cost and decided, from now I’d drink only champagne all night once a year. 

Going back to the shopping....

I couldn’t afford a single thing in there, even with the so-called slashed prices. So I just went to town and tried everything that would fit me.

Cos that's how I roll: V I P style.

It's official. Facebook = spam!

I have been hearing this from a lot of my friends but wasn't ready to believe it. Every one complained how Facebook was becoming the new Orkut with trashy users, spam messages, unwanted romantic advances and the ilk. When you allow anyone with a email address to join, there's going to be a lot of riff-raff coming through - it's bound to happen to when shit goes public, people. I mean, the New York subway doesn't differentiate between the classy people and the homeless, does it? We all travel together, poop stains and Givenchy perfumes blending together in one big cosmopolitan melting pot. 


And I will confess: I love Facebook. Almost bought some Facebook shares when they launched the IPO and I've happily given up my privacy to Mark Z a long time ago (I work in advertising, its an occupational hazard). So it's breaks my heart just a smidge when people say they're going to close down their Facebook accounts. Granted, Facebook today is not the joyful message and photo-sharing service of 2004. But, I never thought things were THAT bad. Till the evidence of Facebook's rapid degeneration landed in my inbox. 
I put forth for your reading pleasure, a spam email from a man I have never met, yet admittedly one who made me laugh out loud. 

Hi Dear,

Its gives me a great previledge to contact you through this means.My name is mark Perry Lampard.Your Profile seems cool and honest to me,you are wonderful looking your in your picture and that has been what my heart has been craving after for so many years now.You are good looking and blissful in appearance,that is one of the main reason why i want to be close to your heart,Looking at your pics is like discovering my missing Ribs that has been hiding all this years,with i have been searching for all my life..
How i wish we could meet and chat for better understanding and get acquitted.I wait to read from you soon so we could chat online pretty soon enough.

Regards to your love onces and family back home.
Sincerely Yours.


Now if only my romantic dates worked as hard as this guy to impress me. Sigh, life's just not fair.