There is a God and he is watching me

Last night, I really wondered if God hates me. When it gets too quiet up there, he says to himself, "What kind of mischief can I play on my Ruta?"

It’s been a crazy week. Not only has it been hard to get back in the groove after school started, my right brain still seems to be on vacation.

Result – Such dismal creative output that my dignity went ahead and committed suicide.

On top of that, my current art director partner and close friend broke the news that he was taking a quarter off. So now, I am doing a teams class all by myself (did I hear violins in the background? *scratches ears*)

And, then my grandmother (may she rest in peace) passed away after putting up a strong fight against the cancer that was eating her away on the inside. Talked to my family over the weekend and cried a little. Then a lot.

I blocked out the feelings. There was much work to be done. Went grocery shopping for 2 hours. Ate a whole bag of Hershey Kisses. But feelings can be such assholes too. They always catch up and emerge even more intensified than ever. Like someone's dog that i refused to pet decided I was dying for his love and came and slobbered all over my face.

Result – intense crying my heart out session and bitching about how God can be such a mofo.

Talked to a friend who told me the age-old “When God closes a door, he opens a door.” I strongly argued it amidst sobs and gasps. (Note: Now that I think of it, the argument was pretty one-sided.)

Guess God must’ve been hearing and decided to prove he isn’t out to get me after all. I had a class today that I was very poorly prepared for and being the natural worrier that I am, was completely freaked out.

For a while, I even considered hanging myself. Then I realized that would just be lame. And I didn’t have any rope.

But then! I got an email from my teacher who's fallen sick and moved class to another day. Which means I get a whole day to prepare some kick-ass work.

My friend, you can go ahead and say “I told you so.”