Bike Bike Revolution

Three things pissed me off this weekend. And they are all related.

The first was these series of bike ads:

This was Huff Po’s take on it:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/11/dont-be-a-jerk_n_860477.html

The last line particularly amused me – “The DOT says its campaign "humorously highlights the essential dos and don’ts of safe, responsible biking."

Let’s backtrack here a bit. It’s all very well to call bikers jerks. But who’s holding up standards for the drivers, tell me?

I just recently started biking. I follow the rules: I drive in the direction of traffic, brake well before the crosswalk and don't ride on the sidewalk. And I share the road with drivers like horny teenagers share crabs.

But where did that get me? Quite close to dying, actually. My heart has had so many jolts on my ten-minute commute; it’s quite ready to give up (doesn’t even want to wait around for my family history of diabetes to kick in, the coward).

Since I’ve started riding, cars have definitely come way too close. They’ve honked at intersections when they were behind me and I wasn’t quick enough to pedal it out of there. Or worse, they have come close and honked right into my eardrums.

And bike lanes. What bike lanes?

In all my riding, which amounts to well over a month mind you, I have found one bike lane in this city. It’s next to the Home Depot and exists for a whole street at which point, the road reduces to two lanes again.

So I ask you, why should I not ride on the sidewalk for my safety? Why should I not put myself first and go against the flow of traffic, from where I can see the assholes approaching me well in time? Shouldn't I try my very best not to hit other people/cars/drivers and at the same time, not go deaf?

(Side note: While my body has failed me since childhood at all hand-eye coordination so crucial to sports, it's shown an unnatural talent for pedaling furiously while shitting in my pants and dropping F-bombs- simultaneously!)

And while New Yawkers are busy heckling bikers, the League of American Bicyclists came up with the brilliant idea of celebrating Bike Month. It caught on like wild fire!

Um, what?

Don't tell me to ride a bike unless you're buying me insurance! Asking people to bike when most of America seems pretty intent on mowing bikers down seems pretty diabolic to me, even though I am not sure what the motive is.

(Perhaps it is wiping out humanity altogether? I imagine someone is sitting in an office somewhere, being very Amrish Puri-like and laughing at his ingenious scheme: More bikers makes drivers mad. Drivers kill bikers. Drivers go to jail; hung for murder. No more people to drive cars. Or bikes. Rapture. Muahahahaha).

Point is, there is a dire need for driver education as much as biker education. And beyond the perfunctory so they can pass a test to get their license. If we are going to be all treacle-y about the wonders of biking and giving it a whole month, we need to proactively talk to drivers about how they ought to be behaving on the road and respecting fellow bikers.

To put it in very egocentric terms that drivers are bound to understand, help make it easier for bikers to not bother them.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit: I realized I hadn't mentioned the third thing that pissed me off. I wanted comfort food after all this bike nonsense and they were out of Pineapple Upside Down Cake. Ridiculous!