Sexual Starvation

Forget about the Kamasutra baby. I have observed that Mumbai, and perhaps India is a land of contradictions when it comes to sex. We could not be more schizophrenic about it. On one hand, society taboos dating, sex before marriage, heck, even kissing and holding hands unless you are promised to each other. Yet, we seem especially keen to gorge on ads, movies, posters that display women and men engaged in dating, erotic displays and talk.

As the economy booms and we have more and more financial clout, we seem eager to adopt many Western practices into our lives. However, social norms seem so entrenched in our lives that weeding them out and replacing them with “new-fangled ideas” such as dating, sex before marriage is no small feat. Despite all our advances, the fact remains that we want to still pretend that sex and sexual activities do not exist, while at the same time in a voyeur like approach, we are, err, very much on top of it. The end result being sexually uneducated and confused individuals who very soon become quite frustrated and seek other avenues for releasing their pent-up energies.

This cannot be more apparent than when I take my evening rounds at the local jogger’s park. The track surrounds a small lake and is lined with semi-circular benches. Every evening, I find many couples occupying these benches, with their backs towards the track cozying up to each other. They hold hands, they cuddle, they kiss – they do everything which has been ostracized by society and is therefore, a strict no-no. Even the pungent stench of fish lying in a fishermen’s wicker basket nearby, cannot deter these eager love birds (mind you, a large majority of the Indian population is vegan) which only goes to show how wanting our norms have left the population.

The park provides an intimate enough setting – it’s not exactly candlelight and baroque chandeliers but love-making can make do under streetlamps and leafy trees. One can easily understand this phenomenon when you realize that in Indian society, most children tend to live with their parents and extended family. Thus, family living in these close quarters is too close quarters for private indulgences. Nevertheless, it is very amusing to see couples crouch in the enclave offered by the semi-circular benches. Or watching how the guy stealthily put his arm around a demure girl, coaxing her with sweet nothings to do that which is forbidden.

This same park is where my friend introduced me to “netra-cho****” (eye-f***ing). Allow me to explain. netra-cho**** is the name given to a guy checking you out but with such intensity, that given the opportunity he would want to do you right then and there. Of course, it is done discreetly so as to catch the eye of the woman but no one else. So sexually depraved are Mumbai’s youths that ever since my friend pointed it out to me, I have noticed that many guys have even done it to me. Today, there was a group of guys walking ahead of me and they actually slowed down and lined up to watch me as I passed by. And, I am one of the more ordinary, less well-endowed women around here!

Even an old guy forked his tongue out at me on a recent trip to town. His red eyes, beetel-leaf stained tongue and shock of white hair were more pathetic than desirable. We may scorn sex and dating but when it comes to uncouth sexual behavior- well then, all bets are off.

We are more than unabashed when it comes to sexuality on television or in movies. Here’s where the contradictions could not be more extreme. Ads talk about Aamsutras (a pun on Kamasutra, Aamsutra refers to the pleasure derived from eating aams or mangoes) or accountants named Mahalingam (roughly translates to “large penis”). As my friend puts it, “Some copywriter thoroughly enjoyed writing that ad.”

On the silver screen, there is a new item number everyday with the likes of Malaika Arora and other chest-heaving PYTs( pretty young things) gyrating to some dhik-chik dhik-chik beats in negligible negligees. Let’s also give due credit to Kareena Kapoor sporting a itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, lime-green bikini which makes headlines on more than one news channel. And we devour these with fervent pleasure and pat ourselves on the back for being advanced as the Westerners and being open-minded.

But ask a girl’s father to date her – perhaps drowning in the Arabian Sea might have been easier way to die. So much being open-minded.

The mind boggles at the thought of how the land that gave the world the Holy Grail of love-making - the Kamasutra - has become so closeted in its approach to sex that individuals act as depraved maniacs and f*** like jack rabbits once they are married. I can see no other plausible explanation for a staggering population of 1.4 billion people, only a fraction of whom can afford a comfortable life for themselves and their children.

Instead of adapting rules such as no sex before marriage(which made sense in olden times when children were married off at 14 years) to changing times, we are clutching on to them as if the were written in stone, resulting in friction and lack of social awareness about sexuality. Think about it.